Eulogy
by LadieLazarus
Summary: Jaina reacts to the events of Invincible


Jaina stepped to the podium and cleared her throat, as once last glance around the hall revealed that her father had decided not to show after all

Jaina stepped to the podium and cleared her throat, as once last glance around the hall revealed that her father had decided not to show after all. She mentally prepared herself to do some heavy duty Corellian comforting when she got back, but right now, she had to mourn her way. She spoke without looking at the cards she had prepared. She didn't really need them.

"Hello, friends, relatives, and my comrades in arms. Thank you all for coming. I appreciate this more than any of you can understand.

"I'm not usually one for speeches. Those of you who know me know that I'd generally rather reverse detonate my proton torpedoes than speak in public, and rather dismantle the Millennium Falcon piece by piece than do the speaking with the decorum expected." Jaina paused as the assembly provided the kind of chuckle usually heard at a joke in a eulogy. Nothing raucous or loud, but polite and engaged. This was a good sign. Jaina continued. "However, I could not and would not let my brother's passing go unmarked.

"I know that, among the people waiting outside, and in other parts of this galaxy, there are people who cannot overlook what a monster my brother became and the destruction and chaos that his are, at the moment, his most prevalent legacy. I wanted to ensure, as his twin, as his sister, and as his friend, that wherever Jacen Solo is, he is aware that we are not those people." She looked at Uncle Luke, who nodded and steepled his fingers, settling in to listen to her speech. Ben was sitting beside him stonefaced and sullen, while individual tears slowly traced their way down his cheeks. He reminded Jaina suddenly of Anakin, and it became even harder not to cry. When she spoke again, she felt her voice break a little, but forced herself to continue.

"I hope that we can all remember what Jacen was like before. The Jacen who was full of laughter and love.

"Jacen loved animals. I'm sure that, all over this galaxy, literally millions of animals will be deprived by not having the chance to know Jacen and the kindness and diligent care that he showed them. I built the billions of cages to prove that, and lots of us at the old Academy on Yavin IV have the marks to prove that my craftsmanship wasn't always as meticulous as it could have been." Again, there was a laugh of support and a slightly louder laugh of assent from her mother in her position sitting, red-rimmed and teary, with Uncle Luke. Their right hands were clasped and her mother held a tissue ready in her left hand. Jaina remembered when Jacen and she used to unite as a front, and, yet again, the speech became even harder to make. She didn't even try to get through the next part without sobbing.

"To this day, there has never been anyone who has known me as well as Jacen, and I doubt there ever will be. He and I were parts of a whole." She broke completely here and had to take a moment to compose herself. "If you have a sibling, you can begin to understand, but if you have a twin, then you understand completely. We communicated without words, or sometimes, without even conscious thought. I will greatly miss having his presence in my life." She smiled, suddenly, knowing that this last part was a necessity and that it would help her more in the years to come than she could fully appreciate now. Jag, sitting behind her mother, turned the corners of his mouth up slightly in a dry smile and she wished that he was standing up there with her. She looked to Lowbacca, who nodded in his supportive way, and she wished, yet again, that they had been able to find Zekk before the ceremony.

"Jacen was always ready with a bad joke. Jokes that, for the last few months, have been ringing in my mind and I haven't been able to stop them. I'm sure Lowbacca, and Queen Mother Tenel Ka can attest to the fact that if we added up all of the time that we spent groaning at them on Yavin IV, we'd have decades of time on our hands." Jaina caught Tenel Ka's eye, and she actually smiled quickly and succinctly. Jaina knew now, that she could get through this. "I find, now, that his easy humor in stressful situations is one of the things I will miss the most. And so, I would think, that if my brother's life had not been tragically derailed, he'd want you too to spend the afternoon asking each other questions like Why a TIE fighter screams in space or Where a full grown wookiee sits, which is, of course, wherever he wants." Wedge laughed, then. A laugh that Jaina could not have appreciated more. She smiled in his direction. "Laugh today. Laugh the way that Jacen used to, and allow that to make you remember when things were good, as they were not that long ago. Laugh for those who, like Jacen, no longer can."

She leaned down and touched the painting of Jacen that rested in a stand before the podium. The next words she said were muffled and hard to make out through the torrent of tears that seemed to suddenly pour from her face. That didn't matter though. The last part wasn't for them. It was for Jacen. She smiled through her tears and spoke softly.

"Goodbye, Jasa. Please, finally find peace. I love you, and will always miss you."

No one spoke for several minutes after she sat down, and when Uncle Luke stood and dismissed everyone to the reception, she didn't move until Jag gently touched her shoulder. Everyone else had left the room. She must have been sitting there for nearly an hour. She smiled her half-smile dryly in Jag's direction.

"Waiting for me, soldier boy?"

"Yeah. I wanted to make sure you were okay. We kept trying to talk to you, but you wouldn't answer. I was a little worried."

Jaina threw her arms around his neck suddenly and hugged him to her, crying into his shoulder. If he was uncomfortable with the display, and she was sure he was, it didn't show. He hugged her back and let her cry, slowly rubbing her back until she cried all the tears she had left.

"Thank you." The words came out muffled against his shoulder, and he smiled a little at how young it made her sound.

"Well naturally. I love you." It was, perhaps, the most simple way that he had ever told her that, but he hadn't said it in a long time, and instantly wondered if he still shouldn't have said it. She pulled away from his shoulder and smiled.

"I love you, too. Let's go get something to eat." She pulled him off of the bench and, taking his hand, led him out of the room.

A while after they left, Ben Skywalker emerged from a side corridor. He looked carefully around to ensure he was alone before creeping forward in the darkened room. He stared at the portrait of Jacen. It was a fantastic likeness. It depicted him, at around age 16 or 17, with his gort, Nicta, smiling. They must have had it made from a holo. Ben spoke softly. His words were not for anyone but Jacen to hear.

"I wish I understood what you did. I wish I understood why you felt that you needed to take my mother from me. I miss her, you know. Everyone always wants to act like I'm so grown up, but really, I'm 14 and I miss my mother. She should be there when I become a Jedi Knight, or eventually a Master, and when I get married, but she won't. That is, indisputably, your fault. I don't care what explanations or alternate points of view Jaina offers me, I can't ever forgive you for taking my mother away. You almost killed my father by doing it, you know. He'll never be the same. Never. I hate you a little bit for that."

Ben stopped and blinked back tears. He wouldn't cry now. Not yet. "I'm not you, though, I can control my anger. I will not let the horrible thing that you did make me forget that we were friends once. You're my cousin and I can't forget all that you taught me and everything that you gave me. We were good friends and you helped me to not be afraid of the Force anymore. I'll always appreciate that. So, thank you, Jacen, and I hope that wherever you are, you're finally finding the peace and rest that you so desperately wanted. May the Force be with you, Jacen." Ben turned and walked away, not looking back. It didn't seem necessary. He'd said what he needed to say.


End file.
